Some views on the complicated issues of 'real life'
Published on August 17, 2004 By oneofus In Philosophy
No, I'm not going to write some 'sense and sensibility'-based stuff. What I'm interested today is how to instill a sense of morality in a child or, to set it even more plain - how to make a person distinugish between good and evil - without having to resort to a 'carrot and stick' method.

I mean, explaining plainly doesn't work - even on grown-ups. So how do we teach the childern anything without saying: 'you'll get spanked if you do / don't do this or that'? Anyway, are we in our own lives behaving by moral standards or are we just fearing punishment for doing otherwise?
In my country the level crime is not too high, but the problem is that the courts are overbourdened with cases (they were pretty inefficient to start with) so it can take up to 5 years to het a verdict. That's why most of the people have no confidence that they will acomplish anything through courts and the morality of the population is going down - as people know they probably won't get punished for most petty crimes. And it starts with petty crimes...

To me this suggests the problem in upbriniging where the kids were thought to distingusih good and evil by the consequence (punishment and reward) they experienced and not by the overall result of their action in other peoples lives. Is it different or, to put it differently, will it be different in other countries when the juridical system reaches this level of inefficiency - as it surely will (look at the gettos in most of the big cities of Europe and USA - is there justice there? I think even now only a very small amount of population of the world is getting any kind of 'justice').

All of this said, how do I rise my child? Do I teach it morality the way it should be or do I teach it using the 'carrot-and-stick' method? Maybe it's better I teach it some self defense, as it seems the time for morality will soon be gone - any way You look at it.

Comments
on Aug 17, 2004
I think the best way to teach morality is to model it. Having said that, I think it is important to discuss it with your children and let them know what you feel is right and wrong. If you start with them at a very young age, these things that you teach them will stick with them. They will make their own decisions as they get older as to what they should and should not do, but your words and your example will be in the back of their minds as they do so. However, I feel that hypocrisy in teaching morality ("do as I say, not as I do") will backfire completely. Of course, you also have to keep in mind that small children do not see and understand things as adults do. I recommend reading about Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development. If you agree with his assertions (which I do), you can find some guidance from it in regards to age appropriate discipline and teaching moral values. Just my humble opinion.
on Aug 17, 2004

I think the best way to teach morality is to model it. Having said that, I think it is important to discuss it with your children and let them know what you feel is right and wrong. If you start with them at a very young age, these things that you teach them will stick with them. They will make their own decisions as they get older as to what they should and should not do, but your words and your example will be in the back of their minds as they do so.

I agree...this is how I did it with my children, who are now 18, 14 and 11.  They knew what sort of behavior was expected of them, because they knew how Mom lived HER life.  The oldest now has the total freedom to make his own way, and I can see some exploring going on with him, but for the most part, he is currently still holding to what he's been taught through the years.

on Aug 17, 2004
Thanks for the replies. I agree the 'teaching by doing' is the best approach, but somehow I'm not convinced it will serve the child best. Maybe it would be better to teach it to emulate people who are more succesfull. And in the world of today most of them have no morality as I think of it.
on Aug 17, 2004

Maybe it would be better to teach it to emulate people who are more succesfull. And in the world of today most of them have no morality as I think of it.

If the people who are "successful" have no morality, in your opinion, WHY would you want to teach your children to emulate them?  Are you insinuating that you can't be "successful" in life if you hold fast to your morals?

on Aug 18, 2004
If the people who are "successful" have no morality, in your opinion, WHY would you want to teach your children to emulate them? Are you insinuating that you can't be "successful" in life if you hold fast to your morals?


As for the first part of Your question, I want my child to be as happy as possible, and although happiness doesn't come with money, it's easier to attain when You have less financial worries.
For the second part (of the question), according to my experience, most, if not all, of the people who have no financial problems and can be considered to live a life of considerable quality (in my country), and are therefore successful, have no morals nor do they uphold some sort of morality code.
And, no, I'm not tying 'successful' with 'well-off' exclusively, but hereabouts any kind of success in life (a good career or even a workplace, building or buying a house, even keeping Your car and getting medical assistance) forces You to commit immoral acts.
on Aug 18, 2004

any kind of success in life (a good career or even a workplace, building or buying a house, even keeping Your car and getting medical assistance) forces You to commit immoral acts.

Then I think I'd have to be finding somewhere else to live....I've never heard of such a place.

on Aug 19, 2004
Well, at the same time this country has some quite nice things going for it. One of the nicest things is that there's almost no laws but the basic ones (driving laws, not killing people on the streets laws, no taking things in the shop without paying...) - well, there are, obviously, but if You 'know the right people' and can pay your way out You don't need to obey them. That's why I think here the real human nature comes out - without much fear of punishment, but also without hope for reward. And this nature is not really moral.
(btw. I live in Europe, one of the eastern countries trying to get into EU).
And You know what, I don't know a countrie that enables You to live in a 'moral' way. I'm not slamming US, but if You know that part of Your taxes pays to produce weapons of mass destruction (US is THE greatest military force on the planet) - I cannot say that's moral.


on Aug 20, 2004

And You know what, I don't know a countrie that enables You to live in a 'moral' way. I'm not slamming US, but if You know that part of Your taxes pays to produce weapons of mass destruction (US is THE greatest military force on the planet) - I cannot say that's moral.

And that's on the people who decide how to spend that money, not on the people who pay their taxes. I live in a very moral way, every day of my life, and teach my children to do the same.

on Aug 20, 2004
Sorry if I offended You. I think the decisions of the state are at the same time the decisions of all the citizens of the same state that pay the taxes - therefore financing the decisions. This is probably the statement that can be discussed in some other blogg.
Our opinions and views of morality probably differ as a result of growing up in a very different environments. This in itself is probably the best answer to my initial post. Thank You.